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, by Shefali Tsabary
Download , by Shefali Tsabary
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Product details
File Size: 1014 KB
Print Length: 368 pages
Publisher: Yellow Kite (June 14, 2018)
Publication Date: June 14, 2018
Language: English
ASIN: B07C2CBJN2
Text-to-Speech:
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#178,219 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Best parenting book I've read. And I've read a lot of them. Over the past few years, I saw my once sweet, caring son turn into a teenaged monster. He's 16 now and I can count on one hand the number of stress free days we've had over the past year. I almost took out a 2nd mortgage on my house in order to afford to send him to a rehab program. Thank god I just spent $18 on a book instead. Now brace yourself for what I'm about to say, because it's not popular and it took me a minute to get on board with, too: more than likely, your kids problems are because of you. Yeah, I know. I've read so many books that talk about how to change your child's behavior. But guess what? I'm sure you've already tried to change them and it doesn't work, or perhaps gets you even more difficult behaviors. This book tells you how to change YOU. Indeed, it is the only way to help your child and ultimately help you. The past two weeks I have seen a remarkable change in my child, and it almost 100% came from me changing my behavior first. Dr. Tsabary explains this concept without passing lots of blame or shame (this is the opposite of a helpful approach, by the way), but helps you reconcile your own past hurts and issues, often from childhood and the way you were parented. So there, blame your parents for your child's behavior. ha. No really, there is no need for blame. Just for acceptance of yourself and your child right here, right now. And a willingness to admit that you are part of the problem, but even more that you can be the solution! Our kids need us to change for them. My favorite quote so far: "In simple, everyday ways, as well as more profound ones, our children are constantly saying to us, "Wake up, look at yourself, transform yourself. Do this for YOU, so that I may be free of what burdens you."" Beautiful. <3
As a relationship therapist and parent, I can say that this is the absolute best and most important parenting book there is. Dr. Shefali boldly accomplishes what no other parenting book has been able to fully achieve. She addresses the many challenges that parents experience with their children--at the causal level. She gets to the root of problems. The author shows us that our children are never triggering us. Conversely, what is getting triggered are our past wounds. That in every moment there is always a choice to react or respond. When we move into reactivity, this is about our own hurt and fear. Dr. Shefali masterfully helps us see that our children are here to show us where we need to grow. She says children are our "awakeners." In the excerpt below, the author explains the parent-child dynamic:"Our children are particularly effective mirrors, because although we can divorce our spouse and abandon our friends, our children are here to stay. It's in our relationship with them more than any other that we are challenged to examine those aspects of ourselves we would ordinarily deny or avoid. When we are able to look into the mirror they provide us with and address our issues, we not only clear the fog form our own vision, but also begin to see our children for who they truly are. In this way, we become a reflection of their authentic self."We are asked to consider questions like, "`Is my child in some way reflecting the way I tend to operate?'" With numerous examples, we are shown that the cost of addressing behavioral problems at the effect level is increased negative behavior. Through the author's profound insights and plethora of real-life examples, it becomes clear that our own fear, which stems from past conditionings, paralyzes us by keeping us from knowing how to connect with our children. That real change can only happen when we have heightened awareness or become conscious of our own behavioral patterns. This means noticing our thoughts and feelings and exploring our belief systems. When reading this book, you feel like the author takes you on an intimate journey of awakenings and opens your heart to a whole new way of seeing your essential role as a parent. The authors ideas are truly revolutionary and liberating. You are able to see and experience a real path to having stronger, deeper connections in all your relationships.In The Awakened Family, the author explains that we need to give up our expectations of how we would like things to be and to accept whatever enters the present moment. In the following passage, the author helps us to understand what acceptance means:"Acceptance of the present moment doesn't mean you are passive or resigned to things. It simply means that the sting of the emotional charge is taken out of the situation. Sure, you can correct your child and even assertively create boundaries if these are needed, but the entire exchange is executed without adding in the emotional charge of fear, panic, shame, or guilt."We are able to see that only when we learn how to "be" can we know what doing action, if any, is needed.Dr. Shefali so eloquently explains our responsibility as parents when she says, "It's our sacred responsibility as parents to remember that within every child is a deep desire to be seen, heard, and understood. Indeed, a child's deepest yearning is to know the answer to the question, "`Am I good, am I okay, am I worthy?'" When we are willing to open our heart to the author's message, we can only experience its resounding truth.Conscious parenting has personally transformed me and the way I parent my son. This is not a quick-fix philosophy; it is a way of living, finding more peace and joy in your life.Every parent, therapist, parenting coach, and educator should read this book and keep it close by for reference. With the brilliant insights that Dr. Shefali provides in her latest book, we can all become more awakened and join a growing consciousness that has the power to heal our world.
This spoke to my soul and mind. It addresses a desperatiom I’ve felt since my daughter grew out of toddlerhood. I’ve perceived a duality in myself that the author ascribed to the “ego†taking over. One side longing for connection with my child and the other seeking control. It’s the first time anyone has been able to put that struggle into words. It was easier to enjoy authentic connection when my daughter was still a baby; but growing up makes things personal and emotional really fast. Where I once felt confident and just what my daughter needed, I turned paralyzed with fear because of my emotional immaturity.This book invites you to lean into those weaknesses and insecurities and abandon the shame you carry from imperfection. It is incredibly inspiring to view yourself as you truly are, and to see your child as a catalyst for the change you desire most.
I have read a number of parenting books but holy cow none of them have resonated with my core as much as this book has. Growing up, I constantly battled my desire to just be myself. I don’t want to be a contributor to my children ever feeling that way. This book explains why it’s so important to let our children be their authentic selves, and in turn, allow us as parents to be our authentic selves. I am reading this book incredibly slowly, re-reading almost every section to let it all sink in. If you are struggling with the idea of raising your child according to society’s expectations, this book is perfect for you.
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